What am I talking about here?
I wanted to discuss conversational vibing and rhythm because it’s so damn important and actually quite complicated. Guys write me all the time wanting help talking to women. It’s easy to learn a possible scenario, joke routine, and methods for creating attraction. However, you’re often left with a “then what do I do?” feeling of confusion.
What I’m talking about is the “small talk” and filler material that will likely end up being most of your interaction with a woman. It’s the “natural” and free flowing part of the conversation. If you’re just laying on joke after joke and line after line of memorized material from the internet, eventually (and probably quickly) you’re going to stall out and feel very insecure.
This can confuse many men because I often say to avoid small talk. This is simply because a lot of men RELY on small talk because they can’t think of anything else to say. Small talk by itself is totally BORING and if it’s OFF rhythm, then it isn’t even vibing! Off rhythm small talk is just kind of weird and creepy. It’s just boring chatter and doesn’t create that magic feeling of ATTRACTION within her. So when I say, “avoid small talk” I really mean, “don’t be boring.”
So let’s define this abstract topic a little better.
It’s a scientific fact that verbal communication ( words) is about 10% of how we communicate. Most of how we communicate with one another is nonverbal. Things like body language, voice tone, distance, casual touch, eye contact and so forth actually communicate more of our true self, intentions and character.
A huge part of syncing up with a woman and being socially attractive is communicating on this “silent” communication channel. The only way to truly improve this skill of vibing & rhythm is through regular massive repetition in a social environment. It’s the only way to make it intuitive and natural.
This is exactly why real world experience is the only way to truly understand what I’m talking about here.
Guys who are inexperienced will often misjudge the vibes and rhythm they are sending out or receiving. If they are really going for it and trying to connect on a sexual level to spark attraction, if the vibe is off sync, they will come off “creepy” or “weird”.
Examples of this would be lingering around for too long, a misplaced joke that crosses the line, touching her too soon or too much. As a result, if there was any attraction present it has faded and nothing ends up happening. The door of opportunity shuts.
I’ve personally done this tons of times and that’s okay, it’s how you learn and begin building that intuitive gauge of picking up her vibes. As you gain experience, you’ll learn and get a better understanding of how to get into the same flow and rhythm of a vibing conversation.
This can happen to anyone, even guys who are total masters with women. Maybe they’ve been out of the game for a while, just got out of a relationship and “can’t think of anything to say”. Maybe they’re stressed out and having an off day… you know, waking up on the wrong side of the bed.
Usually, whether you’re experience or inexperienced, this is caused by some sort of insecurity. Insecurities are developed over years and even a lifetime. This is often the reason why many of us are blind to even realizing we have them. This is also why it’s very hard for them to go away and require regular experience and conditioning to help flush out.
Insecurities are rather ironic in a sense because they are often defense mechanisms trying to protect you. Like I said before, sometimes they do such a good job, you don’t even know they’re there.
Some examples of these can be the need to impress other people, being paranoid everyone’s going to judge you, and not being in the present moment…. aka stuck in your head.
If you can’t shut these things off and be in the moment, it’s pretty much impossible to sync up and rhythmically vibe with a woman or social group. Everything will seem weird and awkward.
Some of these things take years to overcome and never even fully go away. Insecurities that have been established over the course of say…25 years or your whole life, don’t just go away because you read a blog article or newsletter.
If I’m newly single, or have been working too hard lately and not dating or going out a whole lot, I can find it a little awkward to sync up and start vibing. Old insecurities I had for 20 plus years start creeping back in and it can take a moment to shake em off. Those demons don’t go away quietly.
If you have little or no experience, this is likely to be an uphill battle. So let me share some insight to help get you started.
Make vibing with people something you just do. Start chopping it up with everyone, the cashier at the grocery store, club bouncers, store clerks, waitresses, and people who’s JOB is to talk and be nice to you. Remember, experience is king, so make it habit to vibe with everyone. Men, women, old, young, fuglies, and hotties. If all you do is talk to one hottie a month….it’ s gonna be a LOOOOONG time before you start understanding how to connect and vibe with a woman. So get in regular experience EVERY DAY with all types of people.
If you really find yourself simply running out of things to say, you’re relying on memorized material too much to cover up your insecurities and you’re not getting enough real world experience.
Something to keep in mind if you’re running into this problem is to not talk about the same thing for too long. Learn how to smoothly change from one topic to another. An attractive man is in charge and leads the conversation.
One technique I discuss at length in my book is the “Coked Out ADD Riddled Maniac” exercise.
It’s basically where you think of one word and begin riffing off of it like a coked out ADD riddled maniac. Of course this is an exercise to do in the privacy of your own home…. don’t act like this maniac while you’re with women!
It goes like this…. pick anything say, a cell phone. You can probably think of a thousand different conversations to riff off of that word. Here we go….
Cell phones, technology, text messaging, smart phones, internet, apple, iphone, android, blackberry, e-mail, talking while driving, traffic jams, accidents, road rage, social disconnect, manners, the old days prior to technology, future technology, star trek, space ships, galaxies, stars, night time, adventures, summer.
Okay I think you get the point. You literally have no excuse to run out of things to say, however now you must get experience and learn how to sync these up with a woman. It’s best to steer the conversation towards a them of connection, sexuality, attraction and fun.
Let’s talk about the “Rhythm” part of this equation.
You may have something to say that’s REALLY f*cking funny or powerful at some point during the interaction. Wait 30 seconds…and it’s lost all it’s magic.
I’ve noticed that many men will stick to one topic they’ve been discussing with a woman because he made a great remark and got a laugh out of her. Now he’s just waiting for when he can sneak in another witty remark, as a result, he has stopped truly listening to her and become addicted to seeking a positive reaction out of her.
Don’t forget that that an authentically spontaneous and relevant remark is going to have much more of an effect than a remark that’s too late. This comes back to letting go and living in the moment.
Listen, don’t just wait to talk. This might mean letting go of that really witty comment you’re dying to bust out. Otherwise you’re out of sync, which will look like you’re trying too hard, which look like you’re insecure. Now you’re back to where you started.
Socially confident and attractive men can navigate and steer the direction of the conversation. Use these skills to avoid and steer away from topics that kill attraction and just aren’t fun. This means things like politics, religion, and war are best left for another time. Even if she “agrees” with your point of views, these topics aren’t conducive to triggering sexual attraction.
Getting into a natural rhythm and vibe with a woman is one of the most powerful tools for interesting conversations and having a foundation for spawning attraction.
It took me YEARS to figure this stuff out. You can figure it out too the way I did over the course of several years.
Or you can take a short cut.
I wrote an eBook called The Dare to Date. It’s going to shave years off your learning curve when it comes to attracting and vibing with women.
This system is the product of YEARS of polishing and perfecting hundreds of techniques to attract women right now. It’ll increase your success way beyond what you ever thought possible.
I’m so sure that you’re going to have immediate success with attracting women that I’m going to let you check out the book for 7 days for free. Read through the material and if it doesn’t work for you, let me know and you don’t have to pay for it!