Today I want to talk about one of the most common issues guys encounter with women.
Most men I know who come to me for help have been hijacked by what I call the “Negative Feedback Loop.” For some men, it’s spinning way out of control and for others, it’s just beginning to get out of control. Before I knew what I know now about women, dating, attraction and sex… my Negative Feedback Loop was spinning WAAAAAY OUTTA control.
It was bad man, REALLY bad.
What is this exactly?
Let me share with you some of my personal experiences and memories.
I used to genuinely believe that women would be annoyed, offended, or irritated if I attempted to start up a conversation out of the blue with them. I can remember being HIJACKED by the feeling and thought of a woman rejecting me in front of other people. The feeling of embarrassment was overwhelming…most of the time I was overwhelmed with this feeling of embarrassment BEFORE anything even happened.
Meaning, this feeling actually PREVENTED me from doing anything. My unconscious mind literally STOPPED me from striking up a conversation with an attractive woman. Of course I’d beat myself up later over it long after she’d left.
I had so much previous evidence in my mind of women rejecting me that my mind would STOP ME from approaching women. The Negative Feedback Loop was spinning out of control. I would think things like, “A woman like that would never be attracted to me.” Or “She probably has a boyfriend.” I would find any excuse to prevent myself from talking to an attractive woman.
“Too many people are around.”
“She’s with her friends”
The Negative Feedback Loop had convinced me that women could not be attracted to me. I wasn’t a billionaire, I didn’t have a bat mobile, I wasn’t handsome enough, I wasn’t good enough. I came up with countless excuses. After all… all of the evidence I had up to that point in my life suggested that I would be REJECTED, a ZERO percent batting average is pretty convincing. I had ALWAYS been rejected, why would that change starting today?
This is the Negative Feedback Loop.
The Negative Feedback Loop is your unconscious mind HIJACKING your conscious mind to PREVENT you from success. It’s extremely powerful and extremely real. To someone who doesn’t know any better, it makes PERFECT SENSE.
What is the secret to breaking out of this prison?
First you must understand the reality of the world.
No one gives a flying f*ck if your dating life improves or you learn to attract women. Except you of course. What do I mean by this? No one really cares if you score with a really great woman. Your friends don’t care, the people nearby that woman you’re about to approach don’t care, your co-workers or boss don’t care. Okay, your mom might be happy for you.
What I’m getting at is only YOU can do anything about it. You’re the only one who truly gives a sh*t.
Since you’re the only one who truly cares, you’re the only one who can do anything about it.
So how do you break out of the Negative Feedback Loop that has been holding you hostage?
This is a fair enough question to ask. Luckily enough, there are many ways to do this. Essentially you have to get the Positive Feedback Loop rolling. You need to have real world POSITIVE EVIDENCE for your mind to draw upon. With time, this will REPLACE the negative feedback loop. Then when you go to approach that attractive woman, you’ll ACTUALLY DO IT!
There’s a lot of great ways to start this process and it isn’t going to happen overnight. Unfortunately I can’t explain it all in this article, I wrote a book with hundreds of pages called The Dare to Date.
Anyways, here’s a few tips to help this process get kickstarted.
Learn how Attraction works.
If you don’t know what that emotional feeling that takes over a woman’s mind and body is called Attraction is, then you need to learn ASAP. Bottom line is if you don’t understand Attraction, nothing you do or say will EVER work with a woman. Attraction is not logical if you don’t know how it works.
Take notes of successful men.
I’m talking about men who are successful with their dating life. Notice one MAJOR point. Notice that often times a really attractive woman will be together with an average looking man. However, rarely will an attractive man be with an average looking woman.
Hmm…. what does this mean?
Guys who are really great with women know how to make women feel this powerful emotion we call Attraction. If you learn how attraction works, you can begin noticing how men who are really good with women pull this off. This will give you some positive evidence to draw upon in your dating life.
Watching a guy out at a bar or club take a group of women he just met home to the “after party” or watching some guy at the hotel lobby get a woman’s number after a few minutes of talking to her can give you powerful insight to how things work. ONLY IF YOU LET IT.
Rather than letting your Negative Feedback Loop take a hold of you and thinking things like, “I’m not handsome like that guy” or “That guy is such a douche, why does she like him?” Look for the language beneath the surface of how that emotion was triggered.
If you’ve been studying Attraction, you’ll begin to read between the lines and have a better understanding of what’s happening. Then you can apply this to YOUR life.
Stop looking for some special technique of pick up line to cover up your insecurities.
It would be really great if I could just give you a list of my favorite pick up lines I’ve used to attract women, often times I do. However, if you’re hostage of the Negative Feedback Loop than this isn’t going to work. Or you’re going to try something once or twice and think it doesn’t work. It’s going to be very sporadic if you don’t understand the whole picture.
The reality of getting good with women.
Learning how to attract women and improving your dating life is going to be a slow process that you have to piece together over time. I’m sorry I don’t know that magic set of words that’s going to send women falling out of the sky and into your lap eager to get busy.
Remember no one cares whether or not you take it upon yourself to figure this stuff out, the world will keep on turning and the days will continue to go by. You’ll continue to have a sh*tty dating life.
It’s up to you to take this upon yourself and that means you’re going to have to get uncomfortable. You’re going to have to say things to women that terrify you. Maybe you’ll have to go to a bar or club alone and just watch guys who are really good lay the mack down and watch how women react to all types of dudes.
You’re going to have to do whatever it takes. It’s the only way, remember no one cares and no one is going to do this for you.
What is this going to do?
You’ll improve a LITTLE BIT. You’ll have this little bit of POSITIVE EVIDENCE to draw upon. As you improve you’ll want to improve more. Eventually you’ll hit a point where the positive evidence outweighs the negative evidence. Then you’ll be ADDICTED TO IMPROVING.
Then the Positive Feedback Loop will be in effect. Improving will become easier and quicker. Success will become addictive and what used to be awkward and uncomfortable will become a fun and challenging reward.
Re-programming your mind will take time. Undoing the YEARS of negative programming just isn’t easy.
I would like to help you but I can’t do it for you.
All I can do is give you the evidence and techniques that I learned during my journey. I spent years helping undo my Negative Feedback Loop. Nowadays I have way more positive evidence to draw on when it comes to attracting women. I don’t get those overwhelming feeling anymore that would STOP me from doing what I wanted to do like approaching a woman or getting her phone number.
I pieced this together little by little of years into a book called The Dare to Date. It’s a great way to begin understanding Attraction so you can see it happening in the real world and begin practicing the hundreds of techniques I’ve put together for you.
Only you can do this.
If you’re ready to learn what took me years to figure out ten check out The Dare to Date Free Trial.
Check it out for free, if you don’t like it, don’t pay for it.